I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize