I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
