If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
