I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
