During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Semen is not good for contacts.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
