you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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