if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize