I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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