i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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