i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
