i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
