And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
