You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
