she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
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