Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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