They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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