I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
