I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
