Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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