i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
