Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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