i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
