I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
