never play flip cup with pint glasses
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize