i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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