pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
