Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
