Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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