If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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