You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh god it's open bar.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
