would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
