that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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