At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
