I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This baby is an asshole
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
