alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
