Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
