I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
