So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
