I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
