was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
