Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
