White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
