she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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