i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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