Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
