people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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