His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
