I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
