well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
