I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
