theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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