I must be too annoying 4 u.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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