I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
