I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
