I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
