Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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