just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
