already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
After tacos, we're chasing women.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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