How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
