Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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