ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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