u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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