she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
