No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
