Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize