he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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