Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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