I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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