what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
