Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
