Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
