Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
