idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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